DIAVOLI
Sometimes, just lately,
Everything turns to black.
Right when you think you’ve made it out,
They reach out and claw you back in.
Demons cackle as you struggle
Against the tide.
They know all your insecurities,
Hell, they know you
Better than your best friends do.
Not that you can tell anyone.
None can find out.
But they know.
They pick just the right words
To make those doubts scream
You’re not good enough.
A discordant choir of disapproval;
Howling,
Who told you you could do this?
Gorging themselves on your panic-stricken thoughts,
They watch, amused, as you struggle to spur yourself on.
Cackling demons; screaming doubts.
What kind of confidants are these?
And how long have I been letting them live
In my head?
So that’s that, my first ever attempt at a published poem. Please do feel free to leave feedback, whether it be positive or negative I’d love to hear from you.
I found the link to here on the Community Pool, and I’m glad I clicked! 🙂 Beautiful text, truly!
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Thank you so much, that’s very kind! I’m glad you clicked too 🙂
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I like it! It’s refreshing how straightforward it is.
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Thanks, yes, that’s what I was going for, didn’t want to get too wrapped up in techniques or anything, just wanted something simple and honest 🙂
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Hi Benedict, congratulations on your first attempt. It is very impressive and shows a lot of promise. I especially liked the second and last stanza. A couple of suggestions. Maybe leave “in” out of “claw you back in”? And also, maybe you can split “none” to “no one” in the third stanza? Hey, I’m no stickler for scansion and no poet either ( as your fellow debutante here from a few days ago will show https://ofopinions.wordpress.com/2015/03/07/a-cup-of-tea/ ) but I think it will sound better.
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Thanks! I think you’re right now that I look at it, but I know I had similar thoughts when I posted it but consciously ignore them, so I shall probably leave it as it is. Appreciate the feedback as always though 🙂
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You’re welcome!
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I thought it was a great verse and did not seem like a “first attempt” at all. Have you thought about doing Poetry 101 or one of the challenges? Also, could you give feedback on my about page? https://lilypupslife.wordpress.com/about/ thanks!
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Thanks! Yes, I’ll have a look now 🙂
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Wow, this is beautiful and so vivid. I found you on Community Pool, and I like what I see, definitely subscribed! I would be extremely grateful if you told me what you thought about my most recent post. https://xingsings.wordpress.com/2015/03/07/the-death-of-sojin-ahn-and-the-industry-of-korean-pop-idols/ Thank you!
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I’m definitely glad to have followed this link. It’s clear you have a non-fiction writing background. Just the progression of the poem tells it 🙂
I absolutely love the poem, from demons we struggle with everyday to those on a bigger scale.
Great job!
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Haha, it’s a background I’m attempting to break away from in my fiction, but I’m glad you liked it though, and thanks for reading 🙂
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The background doesn’t necessarily have to be a bad thing.
If anything, the vivid detail was a definite bonus. Personally, detail has never been my strong suit so it’s always nice to read poetry that has that element.
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Readying through the comments I realised I’m not sole in believing the second and last stanza are the most beautifully haunting ones. ‘Cackling demons’ is the most accurate image and it both resounds wonderfully inside my mind and slides out my throat and down my tongue pleasurably as I say it. I truly liked how precise it all is, how unassuming, in a way, yet deep all the same. Keep at it (:
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Yes, those are definitely my favourite stanzas as well, and you have managed to pick out my exact favourite words of the poem. Thanks for reading 🙂
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I am obsessed with your blog! So glad I found it!
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I am glad you found it too! You really are being far too kind about my humble little blog, though I thank you for it 🙂
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