A First Attempt at Poetry: Diavoli


Sometimes, just lately,
Everything turns to black.
Right when you think you’ve made it out,
They reach out and claw you back in.

Demons cackle as you struggle
Against the tide.
They know all your insecurities,
Hell, they know you
Better than your best friends do.

Not that you can tell anyone.
None can find out.
But they know.

They pick just the right words
To make those doubts scream
You’re not good enough.
A discordant choir of disapproval;
Who told you you could do this?

Gorging themselves on your panic-stricken thoughts,
They watch, amused, as you struggle to spur yourself on.

Cackling demons; screaming doubts.
What kind of confidants are these?
And how long have I been letting them live
In my head?

So that’s that, my first ever attempt at a published poem. Please do feel free to leave feedback, whether it be positive or negative I’d love to hear from you.

17 thoughts on “A First Attempt at Poetry: Diavoli

  1. Hi Benedict, congratulations on your first attempt. It is very impressive and shows a lot of promise. I especially liked the second and last stanza. A couple of suggestions. Maybe leave “in” out of “claw you back in”? And also, maybe you can split “none” to “no one” in the third stanza? Hey, I’m no stickler for scansion and no poet either ( as your fellow debutante here from a few days ago will show https://ofopinions.wordpress.com/2015/03/07/a-cup-of-tea/ ) but I think it will sound better.


    1. Thanks! I think you’re right now that I look at it, but I know I had similar thoughts when I posted it but consciously ignore them, so I shall probably leave it as it is. Appreciate the feedback as always though 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m definitely glad to have followed this link. It’s clear you have a non-fiction writing background. Just the progression of the poem tells it 🙂
    I absolutely love the poem, from demons we struggle with everyday to those on a bigger scale.
    Great job!


      1. The background doesn’t necessarily have to be a bad thing.
        If anything, the vivid detail was a definite bonus. Personally, detail has never been my strong suit so it’s always nice to read poetry that has that element.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Readying through the comments I realised I’m not sole in believing the second and last stanza are the most beautifully haunting ones. ‘Cackling demons’ is the most accurate image and it both resounds wonderfully inside my mind and slides out my throat and down my tongue pleasurably as I say it. I truly liked how precise it all is, how unassuming, in a way, yet deep all the same. Keep at it (:

    Liked by 1 person

Found this post interesting? Why don't we discuss it some more...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s